For some unknown reason, I am voluntarily watching an episode of Toddlers in Tiaras on TLC.

I find this show utterly appalling.

For one, the pageant moms are obsessed with the “eigh” ending to names.  Kayleigh,  Marleigh.  And some more Kayleighs.  And a Kayleigha.  There is one named Story, which I would ordinarily think is a cute name, but the fact that she is the most ostentatiously-decorated child on the show makes me cringe.

For another, there is a SWIMSUIT SEGMENT.  These are tiny children!  If you want them to compete on the basis of cuteness, well, I don’t necessarily agree with that… But judging young girls (seriously, YOUNG GIRLS, ages 0-6) on who looks best in a swimsuit??!?!  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!?!?!?!?

I just cannot fathom that this is real.