I’m really struggling with something right now.

Actually, my family is struggling.  My dad is now a car salesman.  It certainly wasn’t where he wanted to be at the age of 50, but one thing led to another and so he is a car salesman right now.  The economy sucks, as we all know, and sales of American cars have fallen drastically from where they were this time last year (and they weren’t that great last year).  My mother is unable to work due to a disability, but because of a bunch of BS red tape, she’s not currently able to get disability benefits.  As such, my father is supporting himself, my mother, and my 17-year-old sister on about a thousand dollars a month with no health insurance.

(I won’t discuss the parallels to my own life.)

Everything has just fallen apart for them.  Both of their cars have been repossesed.  The cable, internet, and home phone have been shut off.  The cell phones have been disconnected.  My dad is even out of minutes for the crappy Net10 phone I gave them a while back.  They are living on Top Ramen, having been informed by DPS that my dad makes $100 a month too much to qualify for food stamps.  This was based on an average of three months’ pay.  One of those months was a really good month… so they used that money to catch up on rent in order to avoid being homeless.  Their rent is pitifully low anyway — there are literally NO corners to be cut at this point.

The Latte Factor?  Hah.  I’m not even sure my mother could tell you what a latte IS.

This hurts me.  It hurts me a thousand times more than any suffering I’ve ever personally done.  What kills me is that normally, I would have stepped in months ago to help out.  I’d be sending Wal-Mart gift cards for groceries and paying the phone bill and pitching in towards the car payment to keep them afloat.  And I CAN’T.  I am not in a position to help anyone in any way whatsoever.  It’s driving me insane and I hate it.

The “really promising” job interview I wrote about a while ago is still a really promising opportunity.  I’ve gotten nothing but positive feedback, and the unofficial word is “yes.”  But it’s not official yet.  I don’t have a start date.   It could still quite easily fall apart, and knowing my luck, it will.  And until such time as the stars align properly, I am powerless to do anything to help when the people I love are suffering.