I know that I’m lucky I don’t live under a bridge right now.

But I really, really miss my old house.

I hate where I live right now.  I despise it.  I’d burn the place down, if I were less in control of my emotions.

I can’t stand the roommate.  He’s driving me insane.  His nervous tics are making ME nervous.  Every time I hear his key in the door, I find myself wishing I could just vanish.  When I pull in the driveway and his car is gone, I’m elated.  When it’s there, I get upset.  I realize that I am making mountains out of molehills, that he hasn’t done anything truly horrendous, but I’ve just reached the point where I can’t stand being in the same house with him at any given time.

I don’t have any serious beefs with the house itself, other than that I hate dragging laundry upstairs, which is a relatively minor thing.  And the backyard could stand to have a little more grass, I guess.  And my neighbors could definitely stand to get rid of their yappy-ass fucking asshole dogs.  And the kitchen could stand to be about four times as big.  But those are minor things, in the grand scheme of it all.  I could be happy content here without the roommate and his belongings and his nervous tics.

I miss barbecuing and inviting friends over at the old house.  I miss my garden tub and walk-in closet.  I miss having more cabinet/pantry space than I could fill up.  I miss our large, very old & very used refrigerator (bought on Craigslist) that I hated at the time.  I miss my back yard, and my front yard, and the green belt in the middle of my cul-de-sac and the trees.  I miss tiki torches.  I miss having a home office of my very own.  I miss the built-in bookshelf in the living room.  I miss having a bedroom for the child.  I miss my furniture, especially my huge, comfortable couch and loveseat.  I miss the air hockey table.  I was surprisingly good at air hockey.

This place could be made into somewhere I’d want to be, but it won’t, because the roommate isn’t going away.  If he were gone and we had the master bedroom, we’d also have the garden tub and walk-in closet.  If he were gone, we could invite friends over without the ensuing awkwardness.  If he were gone, his stuff would be gone, and though I can’t get my old stuff back, I’m aware that it’s just stuff and can be replaced with more stuff that I like.

I want a proper home, without wacky roommates and yapping asshole dogs.  And I want to go to school.  And to make those things happen, I want a job.