33 Lysol disinfectant wipes valiantly sacrificed their lives in my downstairs bathroom… Then I ran out.

OH NOES.

Let me explain.  This may be a difficult concept to understand if you aren’t a man or don’t live with a man… But if you meet one of those qualifiers, I encourage you to inspect the caulk that seals your commode to the floor.  Chances are, it’s at least a little yellow.  Well, I’ll let you in on a secret: CAULK IS NOT YELLOW.  URINE IS.

I don’t blame either myself (for my lackluster cleaning attempts thus far) or the man (for, hello, yellow caulk)… Because we’ve only lived here for two months, and it takes much longer than that for caulk to coat itself with this amount of piss/dirt/dust/grime.  And it’s not that the bathroom has never ever been cleaned… It’s just that cleaning the toilet bowl and mopping the floor don’t do a single thing for dirty, stained caulk.

So I’ve spent the last 1.5 hours in the bathroom floor, sitting on my ass, disinfecting every part of the toilet… and the caulk… and the floor… and the baseboards.  You could eat off of my bathroom floor right now, if you were so inclined.  Well, you could eat off HALF of my bathroom floor.  I didn’t get to the rest of it because I ran out of Lysol wipes.  In addition to the remainder of the downstairs bathroom, I also have the entire (larger and dirtier) upstairs bathroom to contend with.  This means I am going to need A LOT OF LYSOL WIPES.  Like maybe 100.

By the time I get done with the house, these assholes I live with are going to owe me something… Like maybe a week in Cabo.