I continue to be absolutely positively livid.  Had a conversation with my roommate this morning in which he said he was going to try to work things out with his mom so that we don’t have to move out.

Mom, Schmom.  Mom is not at the center of this.  I don’t even want to live here anymore, but it is affordable, so I guess we are going to stick around.

I’m pissed off for a number of reasons, and most of them involve people injecting their opinions about what it is I ought to be doing with my life right now.  I really do not fucking need it, especially when the people in question are not particularly successful human beings themselves.

I should be applying for any and every job?  Really?  If someone decides to interview me, how are they going to call me?  On my cell phone that has been given away and had its service suspended? NO.  On my Tracfone that doesn’t have any minutes left at all?  NO.  On the landline phone that WE DON’T HAVE?  No. No, no, FUCKING NO.

It’s not that I will *never* be on my feet again.  It’s that today, right now, people need to LAY THE FUCK OFF.

I don’t need for my roommate to assign me a “job.”  I don’t need to be the man’s “assistant,” a job which entails doing his laundry and handling his personal affairs.  I don’t need fucking advice on how getting involved in life would make me happier because TRUST ME, I FUCKING KNOW.

I used to be a full-time student with two jobs, a tutoring gig, a non-profit business, and a pretty unprofitable for-profit business.  I know what it is to flit around and do this, that, and the other.  I KNOW.  And I wish I were doing it again.  I wish I had a reliable vehicle of my own and a job that allowed me to be self-sufficient and pursue some of the business start-up ideas that are swirling around in my head.  I wish I were currently in school.  I wish I had money to invest in supplies so I could make crafts to sell at Christmas festivals.  I wish I had some chips and guacamole from Chipotle instead of a package of Top Ramen.  I wish I had a completely different fucking life, but guess what?  This is the one I have. And in this life, I rent a room in someone else’s house and can’t afford to get a Pepsi from QuickTrip.

And people need to LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.  I feel cornered and the real problem here is that instead of putting people in their rightful places, I just turn it all inward.  I am the queen of inner rage and self-loathing.

Also, I have the beginnings of a sinus infection.