Didn’t get the data job. My recruiter said that they really liked me and are trying to get budget approval for another position to put me in, but I don’t know whether that’s true or whether it’s just another load of recruiter bullshit.
I don’t know how much I really care. I don’t really want to be here anymore.
I’m still trying to move out of my house. Actually today is an extra-special day because I have to sell a certain amount of my personal belongings by noon tomorrow, or else we won’t be able to afford the place we’re staying now. There are other personal things going on and I guess you could just say that I don’t feel like fighting the world anymore. I am TIRED. I am physically tired and mentally tired and damned near emotionally dead.
It’s the man’s birthday. I haven’t acknowledged it, but then again, he hasn’t been out of bed. I have absolutely no money to do anything for him. And we have been fighting like cats and dogs ever since a longtime “friend” of his came to town a week ago. This “friend” stayed in our new place before I did, then went to my house, and I didn’t want her there because I wasn’t allowed to be involved. It was all a big fucking secret and I say FUCK THAT. This “friend” also calls him daily, usually multiple times, and texts him all the time. She apparently “tells him jokes” and “makes him smile” and “respects his advice.” Good for her. I personally don’t send pictures of my cleavage to my “friends,” but hey, I’m just a boring, depressed prude. And, as he was quick to point out, I don’t have much.
But yes, I do feel bad about not being able to do anything for his birthday. We are in a tight spot. My evening is going to be spent meeting people from Craigslist and trying like hell to sell my furniture, my washer/dryer, etc… because if I fail, I have no idea where I am going to be living 24 hours from now. That doesn’t leave a lot of time for birthday celebrations. I don’t even have money to buy stuff for a cake (not that he likes cake)… or to cook anything more exotic than Top Ramen for dinner. I am a failure of a girlfriend and a failure of a human being.
And that’s what’s going on in life today.
3 Comments
Why is everything up to you to ensure the survival of yourself and the man? Is he doing anything other than sleeping and texting?
Are you kidding me? If anyone is a failure, it’s “the man,” who (as far as I can tell) is no man at all. Get the fuck out of there already! What makes you think you deserve this? To be treated like this? Do you dislike yourself so much that you’re willing to take this as your due? Stop it! This is bullshit.
It doesn’t cost anything to take a shit on a plate and hand it to him. The cat can even contribute.
As if you need to deal with him, on top of everything else. Best of luck with the move.