In the midst of a recent personal problem, a friend said to me, “You’re going to find yourself soon, be it in a dark alley or the bottom of a bottle.”

That isn’t to say that I have a problem with alcohol.  Quite the contrary, actually.  I find it inefficient and overly expensive, and for those reasons and many more, I’m not much of a drinker.  But the point (and it was a good one) was that the universe has decided that I don’t get to flit around like a five-year-old with ADD anymore.

I guess you could say I’ve been on the run for a long time.  I was never sure what I was running from or that I was even running… I just assumed that I was bad at consistency.  So what if I only graduated high school because I was forced to?  So what if I had a mental breakdown and flunked out of college?  So what if, excluding the Demons, my average job tenure was two months?  So what if I broke leases?  So what if I cut people out of my life without a second thought?  So what if I ruined my credit?  Life was rough and I had REASONS, that was my justification.  And… you know, I guess I did have reasons, but everyone else has reasons too and not everyone else is a collossal fuckup.

This quote from the NY Times really got me: “Through it all, a lot of ordinary Americans borrowed a lot more money then they could afford to pay back, running up enormous credit card bills and borrowing against the value of their homes. Now comes the day of reckoning.”

Reckoning, you say?

It fits, for me and for America at large.

(Side note: If anyone should know the difference between “then” and “than,” it should be the NY Times)

Today I had a promising interview at a gas station. 

I was wrong about going home, I think.  My brother and Hitler are still going, and we are going to try Craigslist for roommates who can pay.  Is this the right decision?  Fuck if I know.  But it’s not running.